Fun Box Monster Podcast #87 The Paganini Horror (1989)
January 8, 2021
When a million selling, mostly female Bon Jovi cover band arrives at the studio to cut a record, their drummer/fog machine operator sees that all their songs suck. He realizes that the only sane option is to seek out the devil and purchase an unreleased track from pop music's greatest hit machine, Nicolo Paganini. He fills a duffle-bag with unmarked bills and heads to a burned-out cathedral to meet a badly dubbed Donald Pleasence. Being a drummer, (the musicians most known for their musical literacy) he sits down to the piano and knocks that thing out note for note. They see the potential for a rock opera, and in an effort to replicate the grand scale of Michael Jackson's Thriller video, they grab a film crew of 3 people, a handful of bunting, a box of candles and some mannequins and head out to a spooky house. Long story short, Paganini lives there and he kills people with a golden knife-violin but it's really hell or some crap having to do with the theory of relativity? I don't really know but at least it's short. So join Matt and Tristan for the violin-fungus riddled mess that is, The Paganini Horror.
A Very Fun Box Monster Podcast Christmas Special: Alone For the Holidays! (2013)
December 24, 2020
Ho ho ho…boy. Here’s a very special non-horror episode just for Christmas. Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. When a family goes out of town for the holidays, some bumbling BANDITS rob the place. Luckily someone was left…HOME ALONE to fight them off with clever traps. Ok. Fine. It’s an obvious rip-off of Home Alone, but did Home Alone have talking dogs, Kevin Sorbo, and Dom DeLuise’s kid? Of course not. They had actual money. Is this a bad movie? I guess? But honestly, you could do worse for a Hallmark style kid’s Christmas thing. Merry Christmas from Matt & Tristan!
Fun Box Monster Podcast #86 Blood Beat (1983)
December 22, 2020
If you’re like me, Christmas time means one thing: Samurai sex movies directed by drugged out French maniacs.
When a family of Wisconsin deer hunters goes home to visit their amateur painter / godlike psychic with cosmic powers / Shelly Duval impersonator mother, they unleash a demonic samurai whose murder spree is somehow attached to the son’s new girlfriend’s orgasms because maybe she cut her finger on his sword as a child? Or was that the mom? Or they’re unrelated? Or he’s from WWII, and the samurai thing is just how he chooses to show himself? Honestly…I don’t know. So join Matt and Tristan as they charge up their mystical boinging, play a hot game of cat-Monopoly and cut open the stinky deer corpse that is Blood Beat.
Fun Box Monster Podcast #85 Subspecies III (1994)
December 4, 2020
This week on Subspecies : The Legendary Journeys, Radu is dead again, but not for long! The love of his life wants him dead (again, again...), and his mom is constantly trying to get him to murder his would be forever girl. Now his potential beau's nosy sister is hiring heavily armed CIA contractors to shoot up the place. It's enough to make even the best vampire kings throw up their big wiggly hands and give in. But Radu's not like other vampires. He keeps his chin up, (which causes a lot of drooling) takes a big haul off his bloodstone, and just stays positive. Will this family ever get along???
Next week! Radu has two different dates on the same night!
Join Matt and Tristan as they melt on the pointy tree of Bloodlust: Subspecies 3!
Fun Box Monster Podcast #84 Bloodlust: Subspecies II (1993)
November 13, 2020
Everybody's favorite drooling Dracula, Radu is back and this time he's brought his mom! Radu continues his reign as filmdom's brattiest vampire. He skulks around his dad's house being surly to visitors. He runs to his mom when a girl won't hang out with him. And all he really wants to do is hang around his dad's house rent free, playing with his Bloodstone. Honestly...sounds pretty great. We start out the podcast with Matt being an unbeliever in the beauty of Subspecies, only to win him over to the side of goodness and sanity when he finally realizes that these movies rule. You could say he was...Raducalized... YEAHHHHHH!!!!!! Join Matt and Tristan as they delicious bowl of Romanian ghoulash that is, Bloodstone : Subspecies 2!
Special thanks to Ted Nicolaou for his contribution to this episode! (We will have issue three of the magazine with our interview out soon!)
Fun Box Monster Podcast #83 : Evil Toons (1992)
October 22, 2020
When an ancient tome full of evil doodles is delivered to a sexy co-ed house cleaning service, nudity ensues. At first they're menaced by a buffer, more poorly drawn version of a Tex Avery style wolf, but he's really a demon I guess. I mean, we see him as a cartoon, maybe because he was a drawing in a book? Not sure. Luckily he turns into one of the co-eds pretty quickly so we don't have to think too much about that. And hey! David Carradine is here. That's pretty fun right? He's like a bad guy, but really the good guy. I mean, in the end he doesn't really exist and neither does the monster, so I guess he's kind of a neutral character? He's dressed like the Quaker Oats guy, and causes all the problems but also fixes them. Also, as I mentioned, he apparently doesn't exist. Also, Dick Miller is there.
So grab your finest bottle of Boone's Farm, put on your most revealing night-dress, and join Matt and Tristan as they read from the Great-Value brand Necronomicon that is, Evil Toons.
Fun Box Monster Podcast #82 Witchouse 3 : Demon Fire
October 15, 2020
When Annie leaves her abusive boyfriend, she heads over to her friend's house for solace. Little does she know, this house... is a witch house. Or Witchouse. Whatever. It's really more of a witch-apartment. Or Witchapartment. On the plus side, it has a witch hot-tub. Or Witchotub. Anyway, they get drunk and summon an evil witch. Like you do when you're on the rebound. Witch is mad. Witch kills people. Yadda Yadda, big twist ending.
So throw away your sports bras, grab your Sony Hi8 camcorder, and put on some inexplicable hillbilly teeth as Matt and Tristan explore the two bedroom, one bath, beachside horror with great western exposure that is, Witchouse 3. Now "wit" more "chouse."
Fun Box Monster Podcast #81 Scared Stiff (1987)
October 8, 2020
When pop-star Kate and her son Jason move into an antebellum home with a horrible history of slavery, murder, and voodoo curses to live with her lover and ex-psychiatrist, things SHOCKINGLY go poorly. Between demon possession, murderous pigeons, a haunted piano and a hanged muppet, this movie delivers on all fronts. So put on your "Beat of the Heart" record, get yourself a big ole' head-zipper, and join Matt and Tristan as they smash themselves over the head with the offensive lamp that is Scared Stiff.
Fun Box Monster Podcast #80 Doom Asylum (1988)
October 1, 2020
Featuring a murderous lawyer masquerading as a murderous coroner, an actress from Sex in the City, and a machine whose sole purpose is to make people into spam-cubes, Doom Asylum truly is the Citizen Kane of abandoned New Jersey slasher flicks. When Kiki and her friends go to the local abandoned asylum adjacent to the site of her mother's grisly death, the lawyer-cum-coroner kills them off one by one to impress Kiki, but only because he thinks she's her mother Judy. Why any of this would impress her is unclear. But hey, it's got punks and gore, and probably a serious black mold problem, so -- win/win? Put on your favorite Tina and the Tots record, wet down your baseball card collection and stick your face into the vat of caustic acid that is 1988's Doom Asylum.