Fun Box Monster Podcast

You wanted the bugs, you got the bugs! Bugs, bugs, bugs. If you were looking for a 1980's version of a 1950's Corman movie that feels like an inexplicably lower budget rip-off of Slugs, look no further. On today's episode, Matt and Tristan talk about the bugliest movie of 1988, The Nest. 

As one might expect from a movie about a Pet Cemetery, there's going to be some talk of dead animals. So be warned. Also, being a movie with Eddie Furlong, there's some discussion of Eddie Furlong. So, just be aware of that too. 

Take it from me. Parents just don't understand. That's the core message of this week's movie. You have seen it a million times, you've watched the six hour documentary. Why do you want to listen to us talk about it? Actually...I'm not sure. We bring nothing new to the conversation, and basically talk about how great it is for an hour forty. Yikes. 

New Detroit has a cancer. That cancer is crime. When OCP Police officer Alex Murphy falls in with a group of super-science crocodiles, they convince him to don the mantle of RoboCroc to instill fear in the superstitious and cowardly lots of Detroit's famous crime alley. When his parents, also crocodiles for some reason, are shot by trophy hunters he retires to Florida to reconsider his life decisions. Or maybe it's just a by-the-numbers direct to Sci-Fi channel killer animal movie. Either way, join Matt and Tristan as they talk about it like it's a real movie and not just a long form ad for a Bulgarian Fun Park. 

Here I am again. Writing a description for a movie that was not exactly what I had hoped. Yes. I knew Jess Franco was involved. I had no idea that this would be like a two hour episode of Speed Racer with nudity and decapitations. That said...maybe you don't need to watch this one and you can just listen to the episode. 

What can you say about this movie that hasn't already been said. Nothing happens, and it is very, very boring. If you like really complainy podcasts that are super negative, this might just be your thing. So put on a novelty Jello mold hat, some acid smashed denim, and join Matt and Tristan as they complain for an hour about the biggest waste of Bill Mosley ever filmed, Silent Night Deadly Night 3. 

I don't know what to say about this movie. If there was a single moment of this thing that wasn't dedicated to incriminating some random character it might be a movie. But it is, instead, a collection of scenes of people doing bizarre and threatening things to prove that they are capable of murder, capped off with an ending that simply makes no sense. Somehow what should have been a by-the-numbers slasher is literally one of the most confusing movies I have ever seen.  So gas up your motorbike, put on your Isotoner murder gloves, and join Matt and Tristan as they stick their heads into the brain-surgery cyclotron that is, Happy Birthday to Me. 

 

 

I know we were all hoping for a movie about a haunted desk lamp, but stick with me. This is about an evil Djinn who, unlike The Wishmaster, doesn't care about puns or irony. Honestly it's kind of a relief. His murder spree is fully quip-free. His only real negative is that he's a five hundred pound pile of latex that needs to be carted around to chase our teens. 

Join Matt and Tristan as they discuss the movie that asks the question, what if Disney's Aladdin was full of boobs and the genie was a serial killer?

Do you like movies with vexing edits, word-salad dialogue, and zero character motivations? Do you like your comedies to have scenes that Texas Chainsaw Massacre would have been too squeamish to include? Do you like your nudie movies tinged with infanticide? You are in luck. The American Scream is all this and so much more. Join Matt and Tristan as they don the inexplicable clown suit of film that is, The American Scream. 

When the Warlock comes to town, the magic is contagious! ...is the tagline I would have used if this was a production of Warlock The Armageddon on Ice. I was shot down multiple times, but if you have twenty-five million dollars and an ice rink, I have a great project for you. 

We all know the old story. Collect five gems, and the devil will arise and wreak havoc on earth. Basically the same plot as the old Bejeweled palm pilot game. Unlike most palm pilot games, this movie has peak hotness Julian Sands doing a baby impression, and melting down like a character from Street Trash more than once.  So Join Matt and Tristan as they talk for TWO FREAKING HOURS about the fun bit of nonsense known as, Warlock: The Armageddon.