Fun Box Monster Podcast

Fun Box Monster Podcast #111 Berserker : The Nordic Curse 1987

Berserker is the timeless tale of a Viking who's ship crashed in Utah so he ate a bunch of people and became half bear. Also, there's a real bear who may have been killing people, or not, and it's got George Buck Flower going really big on a Swedish accent. So strap on your bear-mask, get your cool-guy degree in Political Science, and join Matt and Tristan for the best Viking slasher movie I can think of, but only by default... Berserker. 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #110 Stage Fright (1987)

It's hard to see where the characters go wrong in the film Stage Fright. Was it making a modern dance adaptation of I Spit on Your Grave?  Was it seeking  medical attention for a sore ankle instead of just keeping off it for a while? Was it seeking that medical attention at Italy's version of Arkham Asylum? Was it having an inexplicable owl mask? Was it all the barrels of burning trash in a building with only two exits, both of which lock from the outside? It's impossible to say. What we can say is that what comes out is possibly the most brilliant parody of Italian horror ever. Or just a big pile of whackadoo nonsense that rules. So snuggle up with your pet lion-fish, tie yourself to the bed with your best torn sheets, and enjoy the best argument for defunding the Italian police ever filmed, Stage Fright. 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #109 Redeemer : Son of Satan

When an evil priest summons a child with three thumbs, who may be the avatar of Satan, to murder a group of people who may be his former classmates, or complete strangers that he just doesn't like, things start to get weird. He's punishing, and I guess redeeming (?) them for sins that seem to come from the seven deadly sins (?) but sometimes don't. And the punishments (redeemings?) are completely random, (if you're gluttonous he sets you on fire?) If you're looking for answers, you aren't going to find them here. This one is full on incomprehensible. Grab your duck decoy, put on your giant puppet costume, and join Matt and Tristan for the "The Room" of the "Satanic-priest-kills-teenagers" genre, Redeemer: Son of Satan. 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #108 Rawhead Rex (1986)

     When you think of God, you think beard, robe, wise, kind all-knowing, right? WRONG STUPID. He's a gorilla with a mohawk that dresses like Blackie Lawless from WASP. Man did every theologian in history back the wrong horse! But not to worry, this film sets the record straight.

      Whether it be godly feats of strength like breaking plates and eggs, or eventually knocking over a lightweight camper after a lot of grunting exertion, Rawhead Rex proves himself to be a deity worth worshiping. Also, was there anything in the Old Testament about God not being able to close his mouth? I'm sure it's in the earlier editions and just got left out of later printings.  

      Grab your pre-Christian standing stones, shine up your neolithic fertility idol, and gather around in your house/camper as Matt and Tristan talk about the demonic golden shower of entertainment that is, Rawhead Rex. 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #107 : The Unseen

When her relationship with an Emmy-winning football player fails due to a dispute over his rubber leg scar, Jennifer runs into the arms of her second love, Danish folk festivals. She hops into the Action 6 Action Station Wagon and heads out to get her pulitzer on the mean streets of some dumb town with a folk festival. Sadly, due to a tragic mixup, the only place left to stay is at the local murder mansion. Jennifer knows that she is the only reporter daring enough to report that, "People seem to be enjoying the parade," so she and her two person camera crew settle in. Turns out, this family is not only really upsetting, there's another family member in the basement, who is exceptionally upsetting. So freshen up your pile of soiled rags, jam that teddy bear down your pants, and join Matt and Tristan for the least tasteful bit of family entertainment since Ed Gein's variety show, The Unseen. 

Oh, and BTW...it should be said that this movie carries a trigger warning for literally everything. You name it, it's in here. So...if that's a problem for you, steer clear. Fair warning. 

 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #106 Slugs (1988)

When killer mutant slugs start pouring out of the water taps in a small town, the local health inspector, Mike Brady, snaps into action. After every single person in town tells him he’s insane, he decides to prove them wrong. How does he do that, you might well ask?  Why, by hiring a local high school’s science teacher to make hundreds of gallons of explosives that they will pump into the sewers, effectively blowing up the entire town. Obviously!  So make yourself a big old bowl of salad, or maybe just a plate of peas and a burger, strap on your hazmat suit and drag your sack of old meat through the sewer and join Matt and Tristan for one of the most bizarre, fun and utterly baffling movies ever, SLUGS!

Fun Box Monster Podcast #105 Ticks (1994)

Clint Howard accidentally makes some giant ticks by spilling his weed growing steroid. Outside of that? What more do you need to know? The movie is a classic and how they made it for a million dollars I honestly can't imagine. This thing is gold. So fill your pockets with steroids, dump your up-and-coming A-List children in the woods, and join Matt & Tristan as they suck down the big bucket of delicious dog-blood that is the 1994 classic... TICKS!

Fun Box Monster Podcast #104 : Bad Moon (1996)

Things are going great for famed photojournalist, Ted. He's got a great career, a beautiful wife, and fifteen sherpas to listen in on he and his wife having sex. The whole deal. That all ends when his camp is attacked by a Nepalese werewolf. Ted eventually kills it, but not before it murders everyone at the camp except for Ted, and leaves him infected with werewolfism. 

He returns to the States, but has a hard time fitting in, due to him literally turning into a werewolf, EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. Yeah. It's like a full time job. He finally murders enough people in the woods right next to his Airstream trailer that he decides it might be time to reconnect with his family. And possibly murder them.  What he didn't count on was the family's pet German Shepard, Thor. 

Ted moves his Airstream into his sister's backyard and continues his nightly ritual of chaining himself to a tree and werewolfing, until one night he forgets to do it and kills one of the many late-night arborists working in the area. Thor finds the body and is now afraid for his family's lives.  Thus begins a classic battle of dog vs. werewolf. So put on your best sweatpants, precariously position your giant werewolf book over your vials of wolf urine, and join Matt and Tristan for the best Universal monsters / dog story mashup since Benji meets Dracula. Bad Moon. 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #103 : SHAKMA (1990)

When Roddy McDowell, the head of an inexplicably animal-based medical school, get a hair across his ass to inject the most dangerous animal they have in what appears to be a huge menagerie (you know, because it's med school) with a drug that usually calms animals down, but once in a while drives them murderously insane, things go poorly.

Despite his obvious cinematic familiarity with primates, he somehow missteps and this turns out to be one of the times the serum makes a monkey murderous. Oh, also there's a completely incomprehensible subplot about them playing some live action role playing thing that makes zero sense and is just a flimsy pretext to get them locked in the building.

Typhoon the Baboon is a freaking star. He delivers big time. The rest of the cast were apparently so afraid of Typhoon, that they had a hard time staying on top of what they were doing. You know. Because of the justified reputation baboons have for ripping arms off and eating faces. 

PS. I love this movie, but dammit nothing makes any sense. There's barely a single action, plot element, or scrap of dialog that I could follow.  If you take two seconds to think about what anyone is doing it will break your brain. So just go with it.

Sit back, cut yourself a big slice of whatever they're keeping in the fridge of the baboon brain surgery unit, grab a handful of immobilization dust and join Matt and Tristan in the cinematic monkey crematorium known as, SHAKMA. 

 

 

Fun Box Monster Podcast Episode #102 : The Unborn 2 (1994)

Those lovable murderous demon-babies are back! Unfortunately for them, this time they're pursued by Linda, the Terminator you get if you order through the Spiegel Catalog. By the time we catch up with Catherine and her monster-baby Joey, Linda has already thinned the killer-baby population of California down pretty handily.

But Catherine, the mind controlled, millionaire, children's book author has a brilliant plan. After fleeing the killer-baby lab leaving piles of dead scientists in her wake, she moves to a suburban neighborhood and buys a house under her real name, and continues to publish books in a national market...again under her real name.  HOW DID THEY FIND HER???

As any parent will tell you, you can't stop a baby from murdering, and little Joey is no exception. But after eating a couple of teens, and a couple of Child Welfare people, mom starts thinking there might just be something up with little Joey... So get your baby all settled in with some raw meat, pull up your plywood dining room table, and join Matt and Tristan for the exploding microwave of schlock that is, The Unborn 2.