Fun Box Monster Podcast

Three times the Phantasm. Phantasm Summer Continues!

Following the tried and true eighties sequel tradition of taking a successful, well made horror movie and Rambofying it by at least three hundred percent, Phantasm 2 is a Jolt Cola fueled pile of confusing and amazing banana-pants nonsense. 

I declare that a new law, (The Phantasm 2 Accord) states that any movies made with weapons should be forced to double the number of barrels or stabbing implements on their weapons for each sequel.  Friday the 13th part 12? More like "The one where Jason gets a twelve bladed machete." 
The main plot of the new James Bond movie revolves around how he's having terrible hip dysplasia from carrying a 27 barreled handgun in his pocket. 

Sit yourself down with a nice big bowl of runny vanilla pudding and enjoy the longest episode of the Fun Box Monster Podcast ever as Matt and Tristan gush (like a Graver with a Sentinel Sphere stuck in their head) about the eighties masterpiece Phantasm 2. 

You play a good game BOOOOOOOYYYYY, but the game is finished. You die. What was the game the boy was playing? Where does this tall guy come from? Who does Mike think he is whipping dirt-bike shiddies in a cemetery? Who is the old lady? What's with all the other random ladies? Why an ice cream truck? So the teleportation device is just a tuning fork? Why are they waiting so long to drop the little Jawa guys into the other dimension, are they brining in a pickling solution?  Shouldn't Reggie be playing the electric guitar for that lead part? Join Matt and Tristan as they definitively answer these questions and more for the first time ever on the first of our Phantasm episodes. 

Probably the best wacky comedy-slasher-lifetime drama to feature a caveman killing tens of campers with death-traps I've ever seen. 

Alright new meat. I'm only gonna say this once. You're in the hoosegow now. Your mommy isn't here. Except for you Tommy. Tommy's mommy works in the office as the prison accountant. Her name's Dina and she's a real caution. But everyone else, your mommy's aren't here. So sit down and listen to this here podcast and everything will go as smooth as a pint of grandma's old fashioned Alabama corn-smothered pig cracklins. But act up, and you'll see that I can make things tougher than a barbecued polecat that doesn't have my grandma's Alabama corn-smothered pig cracklins on it. 

 So join Matt and Tristan for 1987's Prison, or spend a week in the hole. It's your choice. Probably a coin-flip for most people. 

When FANGORIA reader Michael is told of a mythic video game advertised as the ultimate in psychological horror in the back of a  FANGORIA MAGAZINE, he's knows he's got to play it. Turns out the game is killing people in real life. Undeterred he keeps playing. He's visited by a virtual reality demon who looks like a punk Ronnie James Dio, and he remains unfazed. Anyway, the movie got great reviews in FANGORIA for some reason. So join Matt and Tristan for the most jacked-in, cyberest, virtual reality-ist, experience in horror, and 1994's most high-tech Eddie Furlong delivery system, Brainscan. 

Uggh. Remember the nineties, when there was no internet porn, so you had to use a seventeen million dollar defense department computer to transform your house into a companion robot? Who's got time for that?

When the designer of a boondoggle of a missile defense system accidentally kills three innocent people in a civilian plane during a live fire demonstration he goes bonkers, moves into a cabin abandoning his wife and child and starts working to make this murder computer into a loving wife. This emotional affair starts turning sour when the computer takes over the house, grafts horrible skeletal terminator arms all over the place and tries to murder his wife so it can take over as the replacement mom for his daughter, which leads to a tearful reunion of the estranged lovers. So, if you're having relationship problems, this is one pretty obvious solution.  

So Join Matt and Tristan for Homewrecker, the nineties version of Romeo and Juliet, except they're older, they both live at the end, and the only one keeping them apart is a sentient cabin in the woods who's brain was designed to blow up missiles. 

Demons 2 is most likely an extended music video for shot for a song from Demons 1, but never used. That's the only way this non-narrative makes a lick of sense. The hero of the story is locked in an elevator until fifteen minutes before the credits roll for god's sake. What are the rules? Why do we care about any of these characters? Why do they live in a bullet-proof, tank proof, high rise? What the hell is this demon documentary they're all watching on TV? These are among the many questions that will never be answered by this movie.

Silly? Yes. But it's damned memorable, and full of great creature design. Plus, we even get a knock-off Ghoulie. So put on the Smiths, grab a big slice of birthday cake, and join Matt and Tristan as we lock ourselves into the tower of terror that is, Demons 2. 

When a Kaiju sized Grizzly goes on a rampage at a Hungarian national park hosting a concert for your dad's drunk friend's band who are you going to call? That's right, John Rhys-Davies as a French Canadian fur trapper turned Native American Poseur. It's all just cobbled together nonsense and clocks in at just over an hour. Both the podcast and the movie. Join Matt and Tristan for Grizzly 2. Or don't. It's pretty unwatchable. 

       There's a big octopus attacking people. For a full synopsis see the wikipedia entry for Jaws.

       Just kidding. This movie may have a big Fourth of July celebration that a big carnivorous aquatic animal is threatening, and a quixotic cop who is hellbent on stopping it, a mayor who's more concerned with the bottom line than the safety of the citizenry, a bunch of children in peril, and a denouement where the animal explodes, but the similarities to Jaws end there. There's also some really boring scenes in steam tunnels and our protagonist cops are absolutely horrible people who routinely shake down the houseless population and smash their meager possessions to get information they don't even use! Fun!

     So get on board New York City's only rowboat, grab some Mad Dog 20/20, and join Matt and Tristan for the most original concept since Jaws: The Ride, Octopus 2: River of Fear.