Fun Box Monster Podcast

Fun Box Monster Podcast #147 : Memorial Valley Massacre (1988)

Probably the best wacky comedy-slasher-lifetime drama to feature a caveman killing tens of campers with death-traps I've ever seen. 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #146 Prison (1987)

Alright new meat. I'm only gonna say this once. You're in the hoosegow now. Your mommy isn't here. Except for you Tommy. Tommy's mommy works in the office as the prison accountant. Her name's Dina and she's a real caution. But everyone else, your mommy's aren't here. So sit down and listen to this here podcast and everything will go as smooth as a pint of grandma's old fashioned Alabama corn-smothered pig cracklins. But act up, and you'll see that I can make things tougher than a barbecued polecat that doesn't have my grandma's Alabama corn-smothered pig cracklins on it. 

 So join Matt and Tristan for 1987's Prison, or spend a week in the hole. It's your choice. Probably a coin-flip for most people. 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #145 BrainScan (1994)

When FANGORIA reader Michael is told of a mythic video game advertised as the ultimate in psychological horror in the back of a  FANGORIA MAGAZINE, he's knows he's got to play it. Turns out the game is killing people in real life. Undeterred he keeps playing. He's visited by a virtual reality demon who looks like a punk Ronnie James Dio, and he remains unfazed. Anyway, the movie got great reviews in FANGORIA for some reason. So join Matt and Tristan for the most jacked-in, cyberest, virtual reality-ist, experience in horror, and 1994's most high-tech Eddie Furlong delivery system, Brainscan. 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #144 Homewrecker (1992)

Uggh. Remember the nineties, when there was no internet porn, so you had to use a seventeen million dollar defense department computer to transform your house into a companion robot? Who's got time for that?

When the designer of a boondoggle of a missile defense system accidentally kills three innocent people in a civilian plane during a live fire demonstration he goes bonkers, moves into a cabin abandoning his wife and child and starts working to make this murder computer into a loving wife. This emotional affair starts turning sour when the computer takes over the house, grafts horrible skeletal terminator arms all over the place and tries to murder his wife so it can take over as the replacement mom for his daughter, which leads to a tearful reunion of the estranged lovers. So, if you're having relationship problems, this is one pretty obvious solution.  

So Join Matt and Tristan for Homewrecker, the nineties version of Romeo and Juliet, except they're older, they both live at the end, and the only one keeping them apart is a sentient cabin in the woods who's brain was designed to blow up missiles. 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #143 Demons 2 (1986)

Demons 2 is most likely an extended music video for shot for a song from Demons 1, but never used. That's the only way this non-narrative makes a lick of sense. The hero of the story is locked in an elevator until fifteen minutes before the credits roll for god's sake. What are the rules? Why do we care about any of these characters? Why do they live in a bullet-proof, tank proof, high rise? What the hell is this demon documentary they're all watching on TV? These are among the many questions that will never be answered by this movie.

Silly? Yes. But it's damned memorable, and full of great creature design. Plus, we even get a knock-off Ghoulie. So put on the Smiths, grab a big slice of birthday cake, and join Matt and Tristan as we lock ourselves into the tower of terror that is, Demons 2. 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #142 Grizzly 2 (2020? I guess?)

When a Kaiju sized Grizzly goes on a rampage at a Hungarian national park hosting a concert for your dad's drunk friend's band who are you going to call? That's right, John Rhys-Davies as a French Canadian fur trapper turned Native American Poseur. It's all just cobbled together nonsense and clocks in at just over an hour. Both the podcast and the movie. Join Matt and Tristan for Grizzly 2. Or don't. It's pretty unwatchable. 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #141 Octopus 2: River Of Fear (2001)

       There's a big octopus attacking people. For a full synopsis see the wikipedia entry for Jaws.

       Just kidding. This movie may have a big Fourth of July celebration that a big carnivorous aquatic animal is threatening, and a quixotic cop who is hellbent on stopping it, a mayor who's more concerned with the bottom line than the safety of the citizenry, a bunch of children in peril, and a denouement where the animal explodes, but the similarities to Jaws end there. There's also some really boring scenes in steam tunnels and our protagonist cops are absolutely horrible people who routinely shake down the houseless population and smash their meager possessions to get information they don't even use! Fun!

     So get on board New York City's only rowboat, grab some Mad Dog 20/20, and join Matt and Tristan for the most original concept since Jaws: The Ride, Octopus 2: River of Fear. 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #140 Route 666 (2001)

This is not you're daddy's route. Not the "Mother Road" as Route 66 was once known. Certainly not a place to "get your kicks" as songwriter Bobby Troup once wrote in his famous song. This is more the Highway to Hell, as crooned about by famed Australian troubadours, AC/DC. But not the movie Highway to Hell, which is a different movie. 

When the aptly named criminal Rabbit flees protective custody he's brought back in by the two toughest names in action movies. Lou Diamond Phillips and Lori Petty. They run from some Russian assassins and find their way to a haunted highway that isn't on any new maps...for reasons. Ghost reasons. There's twists and turns, dated stereotypes, and really incompetent civil servants and maybe a few...ggggghosts???

So grab your Macguffin dog tags, rev up your cardboard jackhammer, and jump into the haunted asphalt with Matt and Tristan for 2001's Route 666. 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #139 Retribution (1987)

When frustrated painter George tries to do himself in, he’s brought back from the brink of death by the glowing head of a gangster who was killed by a cabal of meanies who shot and burned him to death over a debt that wouldn’t have paid off the average car loan. The head took this execution poorly and hijacks George and sends him out on a grizzly mission of revenge and stoned museum visits. So get the cheapest haircut imaginable, pour yourself a giant milkshake, and join Matt and Tristan as they gaze into the bleeding Easter Island statue that is, Retribution. 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #138: Gate 2: The Trespassers (1990)

When you just barely survive engulfing the world in darkness by summoning a bunch of adorable demons, what's your next step? Doing it again...Duh! Terry, now seemingly cured of his heavy metal interest, is intent on reopening the gate. This time he's ready, as evidenced by his rental P.A., headset mic, and cool purple robe. Sadly some bullies interrupt the ceremony and the only demon that manages to squeeze through the gate is one of the little adorable minions from the first movie. Turns out he was less dead than previously though, and he starts granting wishes. When the wishes turn to literal poop, they realize they need to close the gate...but will they make it in time?  

So toss out all your Sacralix records, ditch your best friend who might later appear in a Blade film, and get ready for the best molten poop-Corvette of all time, Gate 2.