Fun Box Monster Podcast

Fun Box Monster Podcast #91 : The Curse (1987)

The Curse is the story of a woman trying to keep her family together by marrying a man who is conservatively eighty years her senior. The son, played by a young and very unhappy Wil Wheaton, makes the crazy logic leap that the giant, veiny, glowing sphere that has skidded a half-mile across the family farm, might just be from space. The family remains unconvinced, even as their vegetables and livestock start to become infected by slimy space-testicle goop that seems to be causing both chicken and horse attacks. After a short time, the parents and evil step-brother are transformed into raving mad space monsters trying to kill Wil and his sister. Plus, there's a sub-plot about somebody scouting locations for a water reservoir!  Sounds great right? Well it is. So grab your most outlandishly huge squash, call over your hunky hired hand, and settle in as Matt and Tristan discuss the CLASSIC 1987 film, The Curse. 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #90 Dolls (1987)

1987's Dolls is a sort of modern-day retelling of the story of Hansel and Gretel. Only instead of a candy, this house is made mostly of dry-rot and mouse poop. You still have the two innocent children, but they are now played by a little girl (Judy), and a child-like adult (Ralph). The comparison breaks down here, because our witch is actually a husband and wife witch team, who are seemingly tasked with punishing shitty parents and criminal Brit-Punks. Long story short, some folks get killed by dolls, turned into dolls, and a small child fantasizes about the gruesome murder of her parents by a grizzly bear. So put on your silk pajamas, bake a nice tray of imaginary cookies, and join Matt and Tristan for what is arguably the best killer doll movie ever made, Dolls. 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #89 Puppet Master (1989)

André Toulon is a kindly old puppet maker. For reasons unknown, he has an ancient papyrus scroll with the secret to imbuing inanimate objects (specifically puppets...but I don't see any rules that it wouldn't work with toasters and couches) with life. When he sees two (maybe?) SS officers coming to capture him, he kills himself to avoid his secrets getting into the hands of the (Nazis?)

Humanity has now been spared the horror of Hitler fighting WWII with sentient puppets, only to have a douchey occultist named Neil take the power of immortality for himself. For reasons unknown, he lures some psychic subcontractors that he never paid, out to his sham funeral with the express purpose of killing them one-by-one. Why kill them? Who cares?  All that matters is that his puppets are adorable and sometimes kill people. Maybe because they have no choice? Maybe because they feel like it. It's all kind of unclear. Don't worry. There's 12 sequels to help you make sense of it.

So put on your officially licensed Full Moon Blade costume, hug your officially licensed Full Moon Six Shooter doll close, and join Matt and Tristan for the endlessly entertaining Full Moon marketing opportunity that is, Puppet Master. 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #88 The Video Dead (1987)

When a delivery truck accidentally delivers a cursed TV set to a sad drunk writer, other worldly zombies known as the Video Dead are released to wreak havoc on a small suburban town. Brother and sister Jeff & Zoey move into the murder house three months later, starting the murder spree back up. One dead dog and many dead neighbors later, they finally listen to the fake Texan who is for some reason an expert in all things related to occult TVs, and go on a zombie killing spree. Wackiness ensues and by the end we all learn a really important lesson about friendship. So set up your shotgun traps, uncover all your mirrors and join Matt and Tristan for the delicious plate of cold beans that is, The Video Dead. 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #87 The Paganini Horror (1989)

When a million selling, mostly female Bon Jovi cover band arrives at the studio to cut a record, their drummer/fog machine operator sees that all their songs suck. He realizes that the only sane option is to seek out the devil and purchase an unreleased track from pop music's greatest hit machine, Nicolo Paganini. He fills a duffle-bag with unmarked bills and heads to a burned-out cathedral to meet a badly dubbed Donald Pleasence. Being a drummer, (the musicians most known for their musical literacy) he sits down to the piano and knocks that thing out note for note. They see the potential for a rock opera, and in an effort to replicate the grand scale of Michael Jackson's Thriller video, they grab a film crew of 3 people, a handful of bunting, a box of candles and some mannequins and head out to a spooky house. Long story short, Paganini lives there and he kills people with a golden knife-violin but it's really hell or some crap having to do with the theory of relativity? I don't really know but at least it's short. So join Matt and Tristan for the violin-fungus riddled mess that is, The Paganini Horror. 

A Very Fun Box Monster Podcast Christmas Special: Alone For the Holidays! (2013)

Ho ho ho…boy. Here’s a very special non-horror episode just for Christmas. Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. When a family goes out of town for the holidays, some bumbling BANDITS rob the place. Luckily someone was left…HOME ALONE to fight them off with clever traps. Ok. Fine. It’s an obvious rip-off of Home Alone, but did Home Alone have talking dogs, Kevin Sorbo, and Dom DeLuise’s kid? Of course not. They had actual money. Is this a bad movie? I guess? But honestly, you could do worse for a Hallmark style kid’s Christmas thing. Merry Christmas from Matt & Tristan! 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #86 Blood Beat (1983)

If you’re like me, Christmas time means one thing: Samurai sex movies directed by drugged out French maniacs.

When a family of Wisconsin deer hunters goes home to visit their amateur painter / godlike psychic with cosmic powers / Shelly Duval impersonator mother, they unleash a demonic samurai whose murder spree is somehow attached to the son’s new girlfriend’s orgasms because maybe she cut her finger on his sword as a child? Or was that the mom? Or they’re unrelated? Or he’s from WWII, and the samurai thing is just how he chooses to show himself? Honestly…I don’t know. So join Matt and Tristan as they charge up their mystical boinging, play a hot game of cat-Monopoly and cut open the stinky deer corpse that is Blood Beat. 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #85 Subspecies III (1994)

This week on Subspecies : The Legendary Journeys, Radu is dead again, but not for long! The love of his life wants him dead (again, again...),  and his mom is constantly trying to get him to murder his would be forever girl. Now his potential beau's nosy sister is hiring heavily armed CIA contractors to shoot up the place. It's enough to make even the best vampire kings throw up their big wiggly hands and give in. But Radu's not like other vampires. He keeps his chin up, (which causes a lot of drooling) takes a big haul off his bloodstone, and just stays positive. Will this family ever get along???

Next week! Radu has two different dates on the same night!

Join Matt and Tristan as they melt on the pointy tree of Bloodlust: Subspecies 3!

Fun Box Monster Podcast #84 Bloodlust: Subspecies II (1993)

Everybody's favorite drooling Dracula, Radu is back and this time he's brought his mom! Radu continues his reign as filmdom's brattiest vampire. He skulks around his dad's house being surly to visitors. He runs to his mom when a girl won't hang out with him. And all he really wants to do is hang around his dad's house rent free, playing with his Bloodstone. Honestly...sounds pretty great. We start out the podcast with Matt being an unbeliever in the beauty of Subspecies, only to win him over to the side of goodness and sanity when he finally realizes that these movies rule. You could say he was...Raducalized... YEAHHHHHH!!!!!! Join Matt and Tristan as they delicious bowl of Romanian ghoulash that is, Bloodstone : Subspecies 2! 

Special thanks to Ted Nicolaou for his contribution to this episode! (We will have issue three of the magazine with our interview out soon!) 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #83 : Evil Toons (1992)

When an ancient tome full of evil doodles is delivered to a sexy co-ed house cleaning service, nudity ensues. At first they're menaced by a buffer, more poorly drawn version of a Tex Avery style wolf, but he's really a demon I guess. I mean, we see him as a cartoon, maybe because he was a drawing in a book? Not sure. Luckily he turns into one of the co-eds pretty quickly so we don't have to think too much about that. And hey! David Carradine is here. That's pretty fun right? He's like a bad guy, but really the good guy.  I mean, in the end he doesn't really exist and neither does the monster, so I guess he's kind of a neutral character? He's dressed like the Quaker Oats guy, and causes all the problems but also fixes them. Also, as I mentioned, he apparently doesn't exist. Also, Dick Miller is there.

So grab your finest bottle of Boone's Farm, put on your most revealing night-dress, and join Matt and Tristan as they read from the Great-Value brand Necronomicon that is, Evil Toons.