Fun Box Monster Podcast

Fun Box Monster Podcast Special Episode : Black Christmas / Haunt w/ Damian Maffei

This week, Matt is off doing Christmas stuff... So horror icon and Black Christmas super-fan Damian Maffei is filling in to talk about Black Christmas and Haunt in a loose, free-form version of the podcast. 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #53 Christmas Evil (1980)

Ho, ho, holy crap. Back in a long ago era where America actually had manufacturing jobs, Harry is a worker at the Jolly Dreams toy factory. As a youth, Harry experienced a real life version of the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus," and like the protagonist of the song, Harry's experience left him only a few steps from deranged. Those few steps happened as his co-workers took advantage of him, and his company pretended to give toys to sick children. In a mostly (except for a couple of murders) good natured move, Harry dresses like Santa and delivers toys to good children, dirt to bad children, and the occasional axe to the head of someone who in all likelihood deserves it. So smelt yourself some toy soldiers, superglue on that beard, and load yourself into the painted up creep-van that is...Christmas Evil. 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #52 Silent Night Deadly Night 5 (1991)

Here's the problem with Christmas. Everybody's so worried about Grinches and Bumbles and whatever, that they forget to look out for the more prosaic horrors, like cyborg children built by an alcoholic Mickey Rooney who build boobytrapped toys to kill kids and get adopted by their moms. Especially, when it turns out that your dad is accidentally killed, and he turns out to not be your real dad, and your real dad turns out to be some weird mall Santa who buys too many toys and spends all day cruising around residential neighborhoods looking in kid's windows, and you get kidnapped by a robot and your babysitter's boyfriend gets fingered by toys and then murdered by an RC car... We've all been there. So join Matt and Tristan for a romp through the winter wonderland that is, Silent Night Deadly Night 5 : The Toy Maker.

Fun Box Monster Podcast #51 Dead Heat (1988)

When I think Dead Heat, I think of two things. Buff Joe Piscopo and The Asphyxiation Room. Clearly we have zombie cops fighting zombie monsters. Sure. But more importantly, there's a room that does nothing but asphyxiate stuff. No child lock. No warning signs. No emergency exit. It asphyxiates you, and you can just stumble in there when you're looking for the bathroom. It's controlled by some sort of, I don't know, asphyxiation dj? He sits at a panel and hits buttons and faders and I guess he controls the type of asphyxiation you get? Man. So many questions. So, get in your hot convertible, grab your finest fish tank, and melt your self into a puddle of organic mess for the classic 1988 film, Dead Heat. 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #50 Society (1989)

Rich people are weird, right? Like, they're just gooier than the rest of us. Knowing just how gooey they are, it should be of no surprise to any of us when they start raising lower class people in their giant mansions, giving them everything they could ever want, then suck out their life force in a ritualistic orgy where they all just kinda blend into a giant ambrosia salad of skin and organs. If this sounds like your cup of tea...(it's a reference.) then grab your never-ending bottle of suntan lotion, your sweet party-jeep, and your best shunting suit, and join Matt and Tristan for the 100% true story of the 1% that is, Society. 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #49 Pledge Night (1990)

If you watched Stephen King's Dreamcatcher, and thought..."Gee...this movie's great and all, but I wish there was more butt-stuff." We have the movie for you.  Acid Sid is the ghost of a murdered frat pledge who has returned from the grave to kill off the new pledges at a fraternity who's name sounds like peen. After a bunch of ass paddling, and other ass games, we get down to some serious murder. Some of it involving the exploding of people's asses. So grab your anchovy paste, a toilet banana, and a selection of mildly tainted maraschino cherries and join Matt and Tristan for a taste of the true college experience in 1990's asstastic monstrosity, Pledge Night. 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #48 Night of the Demons 2 (1994)

Angela's back and she's having a party. I mean...not actually a party. And she's not having the party. It's actually a dance at a Catholic school. And the people involved don't actually go to the party. They go to Hull house to play a mean spirited prank that goes nowhere and isn't even slightly funny. Then they leave. But things really get going once Angela takes her sister away from the Catholic school and they go BACK TO HULL HOUSE? Once they realize that holy water can kill/save/explode/melt the demons depending on what is needed for each scene, they use it. But when Angela explains that it won't hurt her, and it doesn't hurt her...she is then killed with it a few seconds later. But don't worry she's back after as a snake. So steal your priest's best robes, lay out your summoning blanket, and join Tristan and Matt as they dissolve themselves in the huge pile of goo that is, Night of the Demons 2. 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #47 The Pit (1981)

     Instead of developing coping mechanisms that might help him with the daily worries and disappointments that the average child faces, Jamie tends to solve all his problems by throwing them into a pit filled with prehistoric carnivores. This combined with him being a weird little perv, makes him a pretty unpopular kid. 

    Jamie is a great example of why the mental health field has never opted to incorporate huge pits full of murderous troglodytes into their child therapy sessions.

     So grab your favorite filthy teddy bear, some artistic nudes,  around 20 pounds of miscellaneous meats and join Tristan and Matt for the sensitive analysis of mental illness that is the 1981 film, The Pit. 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #46 Black Roses (1988)

The citizens of Mill Basin are up in arms that middle-of-the-road hair metal band Black Roses have a four night engagement at the gym of the local high school. In a real spit in the eye of your typical Footloose style movie, it turns out that the concerned church-types are right. This band has sold their souls to the devil and now has the power to hypnotize kids into killing their parents. Things get really weird when a high school teacher, who looks like the Brawny paper towel mascot fights a puppet in his kitchen and then decides to burn down the entire school with all the children in it. And he's the hero! So grab your Man-O-War Bondage outfit, your haunted stereo, and your white Lamborghini and get ready to dunk your head into the giant vat of poutine that is Black Roses. 

Fun Box Monster Podcast #45 Rocktober Blood (1984)

Billy's back from the dead, with a message from Hell! That message is, "Don't forget to mention that you have an identical twin brother when you're on trial for murder." Billy Eye is a hot-shot rock and roller, who spends all his time belittling women, banging groupies, and writing songs with names that predict crucial events in his life. When he decides to go on a killing spree, it takes everyone by surprise. When he returns after his execution for said crimes, it surprises them a second time. When he arrives on stage for the big Rocktober Blood show after being dead for a year, kills 3 women and kidnaps a fourth, his band is...well...actually they barely notice. Total pros those guys. So put on your gorilla-skull mask, your Tina Turner wig, and your aerobics gear and step into the luke-warm jacuzzi that is, Rocktober Blood.