Fun Box Monster Podcast

     Instead of developing coping mechanisms that might help him with the daily worries and disappointments that the average child faces, Jamie tends to solve all his problems by throwing them into a pit filled with prehistoric carnivores. This combined with him being a weird little perv, makes him a pretty unpopular kid. 

    Jamie is a great example of why the mental health field has never opted to incorporate huge pits full of murderous troglodytes into their child therapy sessions.

     So grab your favorite filthy teddy bear, some artistic nudes,  around 20 pounds of miscellaneous meats and join Tristan and Matt for the sensitive analysis of mental illness that is the 1981 film, The Pit. 

The citizens of Mill Basin are up in arms that middle-of-the-road hair metal band Black Roses have a four night engagement at the gym of the local high school. In a real spit in the eye of your typical Footloose style movie, it turns out that the concerned church-types are right. This band has sold their souls to the devil and now has the power to hypnotize kids into killing their parents. Things get really weird when a high school teacher, who looks like the Brawny paper towel mascot fights a puppet in his kitchen and then decides to burn down the entire school with all the children in it. And he's the hero! So grab your Man-O-War Bondage outfit, your haunted stereo, and your white Lamborghini and get ready to dunk your head into the giant vat of poutine that is Black Roses. 

Billy's back from the dead, with a message from Hell! That message is, "Don't forget to mention that you have an identical twin brother when you're on trial for murder." Billy Eye is a hot-shot rock and roller, who spends all his time belittling women, banging groupies, and writing songs with names that predict crucial events in his life. When he decides to go on a killing spree, it takes everyone by surprise. When he returns after his execution for said crimes, it surprises them a second time. When he arrives on stage for the big Rocktober Blood show after being dead for a year, kills 3 women and kidnaps a fourth, his band is...well...actually they barely notice. Total pros those guys. So put on your gorilla-skull mask, your Tina Turner wig, and your aerobics gear and step into the luke-warm jacuzzi that is, Rocktober Blood.  

This film is constructed like a Swiss digital watch that's linked to the Geneva laser grid. You think this is just another vampire movie? Think again! It's a vampire movie where the vampires sleep with their lungs outside their bodies. Why? Well...because. Breathing is...umm... Shut up. That's why. So put on your fruit hat, grab your golf club, and drive your crazy person Jesus van to join Matt and Tristan for 1991's Children of the Night. 

Maximum Overdrive is the story of a huge semi-truck...full of cocaine that pulled up outside Stephen King's house. After snorting a metric ton of it, he wrote this nutso movie. And thank god he did. This is the movie that's so beautifully stupid that nobody else would have dared to make it. I wake up every day thanking my lucky stars that Stephen King hadn't hit rock bottom before he got to make this beautiful disaster. What do you get when you mix an armory full of weapons, a bunch of drunk Australians singing about doing it, a fleet of old trucks, 4 tons of cocaine, and 6 tons of plastic explosives? Magic. That's what. So strap on your Green Goblin head, your black market bazooka, and your best hitchhiking straight razor and get ready to join Matt and Tristan in the magical world of Maximum Overdrive. 

Not sure what the name of this one refers to... I see the metamorphosis. That definitely happened. There were aliens I guess. But not sure what the factor was. They were making aliens, so maybe it was supposed to say "The Alien FACTORY". That makes some sense. Plus, it opens up great marketing opportunities. You could have a tie in with The Cheesecake Factory. "Metamorphosis : The Cheesecake Factory". Uggh. I just look at a Cheesecake Factory and I have a metamorphosis. Mondays right? Plus, trying on swimsuits? ACK! What was I talking about? Oh yeah. This movie. The monster definitely isn't a giant penis. Now I want cheesecake. Anyway, grab your favorite Boglin, hire a couple goons, and cozy up to the best movie to ever star a monster that is totally not a giant penis, Metamorphosis : The Alien Factor.  

Holy cow, guys. The Alien's deadly spawn sure does return in this one. When a meteor crashes on earth, a toothy phallus monster is unleashed. He kills 2 campers, then climbs into the basement window of suburban New Jersey home, where (she?) proceeds to spawn  a whole bunch of little wiggly, toothy, wang monsters. It proceeds to eat all of the residents one by one, until it's finally stopped by our resident Tommy Jarvis / monster kid character, who probably has a name, but I'll be damned if I can remember it. Or pretty much any other character name from this thing. Either way, this monster is cool and there's some really fun special effects stuff. So sit back, stuff your monster head full of flash powder, and enjoy the delicious hen-egg breakfast that is, Deadly Spawn. 

After spending 20 years buried in a pit with his victims, a murderous, undead brain doctor is set loose. When an earthquake powerful enough to break the joint compound holding him prisoner sets off a chain of events including: Murder. Mayhem. Pantslessness. Occult sacrifices, and crop tops. All this and a hole in the ground full of dead mental patients who love to take people's brains out and play with them for reasons we are not privy to. So, put on your rubber gloves, your biggest ring, and your best bikini underwear and join Matt and Tristan as they dig deep into the touching family reunion story that is, The Dead Pit. 

Silver Bullet is a harrowing tale of child neglect and endangerment in a town full of drunken gun-toting hicks, werewolves, and Gary Busey.  It all starts when a dangerous alcoholic named, "Red" builds a deadly motorized contraption for his nephew and then hands him a sack of illegal fireworks and no helmet. Then some stuff with a werewolf priest happens. Join Matt and Tristan as they shoot the eye out of the meddling little shit that is... Stephen King's Silver Bullet. 

 

 

 

 

After the 110th murder committed by Meat Cleaver Max the police are finally ready to send him a stern warning. They send their bravest police officer, Detective Lucas McCarthy, and his disposable partner to the combination steel mill and diner where Max is holed up. Lucas arrests Max, but not before Max kills Lucas' partner and 3 other people, scarring Lucas for life. Looking for closure, Lucas goes to watch Max being executed in what looks like a racquetball court. As it happens, Max was prepared for this eventuality, and uses some sort of evil electricity to come back from the dead. Once he's back, he uses his evil powers to dress up as Lucas' wife, impersonate his lawyer, and become a turkey. Join Matt and Tristan as they grab their 2x4's and beat on the possessed furnace that is, The Horror Show.